i heaved a big sigh and propped my elbows on the tabletop, head in hands.

“i need a drink,” i said with my eyes closed. rain battered at the pub’s windows and hard wind lashed at the old building. but inside the lights were dim, the bar was full of casual, happy faces for a wednesday night and wolf by yeah yeah yeahs played somewhere in the background.

i looked up and tried to coax myself into a smile. one of the unit’s horses was colicking and there was nothing i could do but wait for the vet to assess the severity. you and i had planned this midweek date night and i didn’t want to ruin it.

cold rainwater slicked your hair in the same way lavender-scented soap did. droplets stuck to your glasses and you looked down to dry them. i could smell the damp wool of your coat. in that moment, like many, i fell in love again.

you looked concerned but waited for me to initiate contact. you were present and quiet until the buzzing in my head could settle. you distracted me with talk of philadelphia and the upcoming spa trip. you showed me around marist and vassar and we paused to look at a huge spruce hung with a million lights. rain spattered the windshield while we kissed fervently in the dark and i wouldn’t have you any other way than mine.