sometimes the feeling comes back in a strong rush, like a riptide sweeping your knees. sometimes a particular song ignites the response, or a smell, or a memory, or sometimes nothing at all. sometimes — most times — it is overwhelming and there’s little to do but buckle and wait for it to pass.

tonight the tears came, and i did nothing to stop them. like a dead limb reawakening to the sharp crackle of nerve endings, the deep pangs set in behind my eyes and i feebly reached for the blue t-shirt he left for me. i took a shaky breath and let go and i think i cried for ten minutes straight. i cried because i was deliriously happy, i cried because i had been soul-numb for so long, i cried because it feels like i have a future with someone, i cried because i paid in blood & guts to be where i am today, i cried because i couldn’t remember what it felt like to be soft and yielding and gentle and cherished. i cried because i finally could.